I was a bit inspired by my other post (is it possible to inspire oneself... in a very un-narcissistic way, of course?), so I decided to do a post entirely about fairy tales. They are letters of course addressing grievances that I imagine that different fairy tale characters have had against one another. Obviously these grievances are not going to be discussed in the story itself, but I felt it was important to make these characters more flawed than they already are.
Dear Fairy Godmother,
I realize that you saved me in the end and I married the Prince, but why did you have to make me suffer so many years with my cruel step-family? What made you finally remember, after all this time, that you had a godchild that you had to protect? I mean, honestly, I slaved away for YEARS!! Have you ever tried to be a maid? I didn't think so! If I had a godchild, I would make sure he/she didn't have to go through hell to become a princess. Seriously, I didn't even care about being a princess. I just wanted to get away from my abusive family. Now I'll be traumatized for life. Thanks for nothing.
Yours truly,
Cinderella
Dear Snow White,
Hi there. It's us, the 7 dwarfs. You know, the ones that fed you and housed you and gave you a family when you had no where else to go... We just wanted to see how you're doing now that you've married the Prince and TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT US! Was it too much to ask for you to write to us every once in a while. And was it too much to ask for you to help financially support us? You have a whole kingdom for crying out loud! We work in a mine. Do you even know how dangerous mines can be (read the news, honey)? We're old and need to retire. How about giving back to us in OUR time of need?
Your disgruntled subjects/friends
Dear Boy Who Cried Wolf,
I did it to help you get your cred back, okay? You should be thankful I showed up and allowed the townspeople to see that you are not a liar ALL the time.
You're welcome,
Wolf
Dear Jack,
I thought I told you never to speak to strangers, especially old men/women claiming to have "magic" beans. I know it turned out okay in the end, but what if it hadn't? Do you know what Hansel and Gretel's parents did to them? Well, next time you disobey me, I'll leave YOU in the woods to be eaten by a cannibalistic witch.
Love Always,
Mother
Dear Little Red Riding Hood,
If you didn't want the wild animals to notice you, you should not have worn such a blatantly bright color. Please rethink your wardrobe choices. I only gave you that cloak so you could wear it elsewhere, but really, you should have enough sense not to wear it into a forest. I suffered because of your poor choices.
Love,
Grandma
Dear Three Little Pigs,
I'm allergic to you. That is why I sneezed. Did you even try to get my side of the story? I was saying "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your MOUSE away." For God's sake. I found out you had a mice infestation since 2 of you so brilliantly built your house out of hay and sticks (mice like that sort of thing). I was trying to be neighborly even if being around you makes me feel like I'm going to explode from histamine overproduction. Please stop being so wolfist. Try to become a little more enlightened before you ruin someone's reputation and have them thrown out of their only home. I lived in this neighborhood before you were even born and now because of your Salem Wolf Hunt, I've had to pack up my life and leave. Ohh. You better be watching over your shoulder now, cuz I'm gonna get cha.
Not so Happy,
Gentle Wolf
I wish there was a like button for this ahahha
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