Taylor Swift

I wrote this post a while back but I haven't been wanting to post it up because it was a tad emotional for me. But I've decided "wth!" Let's do this: 

So, I'm listening to Taylor Swift's new album "Speak Now." COMPLETELY LOVING IT!!!

I love that the songs actually tell a story, it's not just a couple of rhyming words strung together like so many other songs. So, I think my favorite so far was "Never Grow Up." I don't know why but hearing it made me want to cry.

Anyways, here are a couple of my favorite parts of the song. I added commentary and I was debating whether or not I actually want to post this because it was really an emotional entry. But I tried to not make it too depressing.

Never Grow Up 
 
You're little hands wrapped around my finger
And, it's so quiet in the world tonight
You're little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So, I took you in
Turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I had, honey
If you could stay like that


Can't you just remember doing that as a little kid? Just holding onto your parents' hand and letting them take you wherever and you never having to worry about anything? Sometimes you just want your parents' hand there now to take care of everything, so you can be that little kid again and you don't have to worry about what's going to happen in the future, you can focus on the now. The first thing I instantly thought of when I listened to this song was walking with my mom as a little kid - walking around the streets holding her hand, just taking in all the wonderful things without being focused on anything really. You know that feeling as a kid? You're just absorbing everything around you without looking at anything in particular? There's no worry about anything because you're holding onto your mom's hand and the world doesn't even matter to you; someone is there to deal with the world for you.

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And, you're mortified
You're mom's dropping you off
At, fourteen there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But, don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJ's getting ready for school

I was actually thinking about this a while back and it was really depressing. I mean, the "Remember that she's getting older too" line just makes me want to go hug my mom. I never thought about my parents aging when I was younger, but now, it's constantly on my mind. You start to regret so many things that you thought and did as a kid because you realize that your parents are not going to be there forever and then you're going to wish that you had just one more time where your parents could be there and do whatever it was that made you mad, and you wouldn't be mad anymore. (BTW, long sentence = stream of consciousness).

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad get's home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all you're little brothers favorite songs
I just realized everything I had is someday gonna be gone 

So, here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple


So depressing. I don't think I have ever experienced the feeling of loneliness from growing up as much as I did when I moved into college for the first time and my parents went home without me. I wanted to be little again just so that they wouldn't leave me by myself. And then when I was alone, I started thinking about being with my family and it was really emotional because that's gone forever. I wasn't going to be home anymore to listen to my little sister, to talk to my dad after he got home from work, to set the table for dinner, to be mad at my parents because they wouldn't let me go out. And this inadvertently leads you to miss everything from your childhood: my mom telling us bed time stories, waking my mom up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty and wanted water, letting my mom take care of me when I was sick, and everything else that you could think of. And at that moment, it really, really hurts to grow up and that nostalgia that you have of being a kid? You just want to grab that feeling and those emotions that you once experienced so long ago and make them real. You want to be able to turn back time and put everything from your memories into real life. Wouldn't that be wonderful? To make your memories and just, for lack of a better way of putting it, pour them out of you so that you could experience everything all over again.

I guess that's just a part of growing up.