OH MY GOD!!! Finals start MONDAY!! Today is Saturday night!!!! I'm going to cry!
Good Golly Gosh! I'm still not prepared! What am I supposed to do? GAH!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Finals...and Odd Tangents
Finals are just around the corner. Literally. Next week. Death week. Hell week. The week I find out if I'm a complete failure. The week I find out if I have to repeat this year. And, to top it off, next week is also the week that my mother is getting her eye surgery, and because I'm having finals, I won't be there to take care of her. I feel like such a useless child. I mean, seriously, the one freakin time my mother needs me to take care of her, and I can't because I'm stuck in Stockton taking finals!!! Grrr! The frustration!
I love being in school, but sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on so much of my life by being secluded here. I want to start helping my family out with everything already (Do you realize how long it will take for me to repay them for everything they've done for me these past 21 years? I need to start repayment plans ASAP. See, loans aren't the only thing that you have to repay once you get out of school. You also have an obligation to help out your parents and siblings in any way possible. My parents are constantly reminding me of this like they think I'm going to graduate from pharmacy school, pack my bags and leave them by themselves on a deserted road like in some old Western movie. Wow, just realized this took a weird tangent. Back to finals...)
I am super freaked out about biochemistry final (see, old post where I cried myself silly over my failing midterm grade). I don't want to have to repeat that experience. I am currently calmly sitting and listening to recordings of the lecture (well, I was before I started blogging) but inside I'm freaking out like none other. God, please help me. I know I sometimes only pray when I need stuff, but you have to believe me, I'm not trying to be selfish on purpose, it's just that sometimes I get so busy I don't have time to go to Temple or anything. That's not a legitimate excuse, is it? I mean, if I have time to do other things I should have time for going to the Temple. Oh darn, I'm going off on a tangent again...
Let's see... what else has been going on lately? It's raining outside. Yay rain! Stockton is actually very nice when it's raining and overcast. I have a nice little view of the Calaveras River from my window. I mean, I could possibly write some English literature about how nature is so beautiful in suffocating detail, but I have finals to study for, so toodles!
I love being in school, but sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on so much of my life by being secluded here. I want to start helping my family out with everything already (Do you realize how long it will take for me to repay them for everything they've done for me these past 21 years? I need to start repayment plans ASAP. See, loans aren't the only thing that you have to repay once you get out of school. You also have an obligation to help out your parents and siblings in any way possible. My parents are constantly reminding me of this like they think I'm going to graduate from pharmacy school, pack my bags and leave them by themselves on a deserted road like in some old Western movie. Wow, just realized this took a weird tangent. Back to finals...)
I am super freaked out about biochemistry final (see, old post where I cried myself silly over my failing midterm grade). I don't want to have to repeat that experience. I am currently calmly sitting and listening to recordings of the lecture (well, I was before I started blogging) but inside I'm freaking out like none other. God, please help me. I know I sometimes only pray when I need stuff, but you have to believe me, I'm not trying to be selfish on purpose, it's just that sometimes I get so busy I don't have time to go to Temple or anything. That's not a legitimate excuse, is it? I mean, if I have time to do other things I should have time for going to the Temple. Oh darn, I'm going off on a tangent again...
Let's see... what else has been going on lately? It's raining outside. Yay rain! Stockton is actually very nice when it's raining and overcast. I have a nice little view of the Calaveras River from my window. I mean, I could possibly write some English literature about how nature is so beautiful in suffocating detail, but I have finals to study for, so toodles!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Cake and a Dolphin and a Penguin
Okay, I just have to put up this picture of this mango cake. It is delicious and exotic.
Doesn't it look so good? And trust me, it really is one good cake.
Also, I was reading the news and came across this very awesome picture.
It's so awesome. I want them to be friends.
Doesn't it look so good? And trust me, it really is one good cake.
Also, I was reading the news and came across this very awesome picture.
It's so awesome. I want them to be friends.
Halloween
I know it's a little too late, but I've been wanting to write about Halloween FOREVER, but I haven't had time. So, I realize Halloween already passed like 2 weeks ago, but I wanted to share one of my fond childhood memories of Halloween.
Are you ready for this? It's freakin' epic! I can't even describe the awesomeness of this little pumpkin.
This, my friend, is the best cookie of my childhood years. Wait, just so we're clear, this particular cookie is not from my childhood. I mean, I didn't love it that much that I would keep it all these years, but I do very much love this kind of cookie. So, what the story behind this undoubtedly, highly collectible item? Well, I went to the dining hall at my college a couple of days ago, and there were angels singing and godly light shining from the heavens over these cookies. My eyes lit up and it was love at... um... "I haven't seen you in a while" sight. So obviously, I bought not just one, but 2 of these delectable delights. Actually, I initially only bought one but I couldn't keep my greedy little hands off of it long enough to take a picture, so I had to buy another one just to take a picture so I could post it on my blog. Anyways, yes, back to the cookie. We used to get little cookies like this back in elementary school. I remember everyone used to get so excited because we would always have a Halloween party during class and watch a movie while we passed around little goodies to eat. Sigh. Those were the good old days - literally, they were quite old, quite a while ago.
Also, over this past weekend, we celebrated Diwali! I love, love, love lighting up all the traditional clay lamps to put around the house.
Another picture of the clay lamps. My parents are always afraid of stuff catching on fire so we pot the lamps on these huge trays or in the case above, in large bowls. There's just something about these lamps that makes the house feel so warm and inviting. My mom always lets me be the one to light all the lamps and it feels good to light the lamps and create light like people would in the old days. In fact, I'm almost positive that some people in India still use these and I vividly remember these these lamps when I used to live in India. Even then, I used to love the ambiance that the lamps created.
Are you ready for this? It's freakin' epic! I can't even describe the awesomeness of this little pumpkin.
This, my friend, is the best cookie of my childhood years. Wait, just so we're clear, this particular cookie is not from my childhood. I mean, I didn't love it that much that I would keep it all these years, but I do very much love this kind of cookie. So, what the story behind this undoubtedly, highly collectible item? Well, I went to the dining hall at my college a couple of days ago, and there were angels singing and godly light shining from the heavens over these cookies. My eyes lit up and it was love at... um... "I haven't seen you in a while" sight. So obviously, I bought not just one, but 2 of these delectable delights. Actually, I initially only bought one but I couldn't keep my greedy little hands off of it long enough to take a picture, so I had to buy another one just to take a picture so I could post it on my blog. Anyways, yes, back to the cookie. We used to get little cookies like this back in elementary school. I remember everyone used to get so excited because we would always have a Halloween party during class and watch a movie while we passed around little goodies to eat. Sigh. Those were the good old days - literally, they were quite old, quite a while ago. 
Another picture of the clay lamps. My parents are always afraid of stuff catching on fire so we pot the lamps on these huge trays or in the case above, in large bowls. There's just something about these lamps that makes the house feel so warm and inviting. My mom always lets me be the one to light all the lamps and it feels good to light the lamps and create light like people would in the old days. In fact, I'm almost positive that some people in India still use these and I vividly remember these these lamps when I used to live in India. Even then, I used to love the ambiance that the lamps created.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Taylor Swift
I wrote this post a while back but I haven't been wanting to post it up because it was a tad emotional for me. But I've decided "wth!" Let's do this:
So, I'm listening to Taylor Swift's new album "Speak Now." COMPLETELY LOVING IT!!!
I love that the songs actually tell a story, it's not just a couple of rhyming words strung together like so many other songs. So, I think my favorite so far was "Never Grow Up." I don't know why but hearing it made me want to cry.
Anyways, here are a couple of my favorite parts of the song. I added commentary and I was debating whether or not I actually want to post this because it was really an emotional entry. But I tried to not make it too depressing.
Never Grow Up
You're little hands wrapped around my finger
And, it's so quiet in the world tonight
You're little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So, I took you in
Turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I had, honey
If you could stay like that
Can't you just remember doing that as a little kid? Just holding onto your parents' hand and letting them take you wherever and you never having to worry about anything? Sometimes you just want your parents' hand there now to take care of everything, so you can be that little kid again and you don't have to worry about what's going to happen in the future, you can focus on the now. The first thing I instantly thought of when I listened to this song was walking with my mom as a little kid - walking around the streets holding her hand, just taking in all the wonderful things without being focused on anything really. You know that feeling as a kid? You're just absorbing everything around you without looking at anything in particular? There's no worry about anything because you're holding onto your mom's hand and the world doesn't even matter to you; someone is there to deal with the world for you.
You're in the car on the way to the movies
And, you're mortified
You're mom's dropping you off
At, fourteen there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But, don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJ's getting ready for school
I was actually thinking about this a while back and it was really depressing. I mean, the "Remember that she's getting older too" line just makes me want to go hug my mom. I never thought about my parents aging when I was younger, but now, it's constantly on my mind. You start to regret so many things that you thought and did as a kid because you realize that your parents are not going to be there forever and then you're going to wish that you had just one more time where your parents could be there and do whatever it was that made you mad, and you wouldn't be mad anymore. (BTW, long sentence = stream of consciousness).
Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad get's home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all you're little brothers favorite songs
I just realized everything I had is someday gonna be gone
So, here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
So depressing. I don't think I have ever experienced the feeling of loneliness from growing up as much as I did when I moved into college for the first time and my parents went home without me. I wanted to be little again just so that they wouldn't leave me by myself. And then when I was alone, I started thinking about being with my family and it was really emotional because that's gone forever. I wasn't going to be home anymore to listen to my little sister, to talk to my dad after he got home from work, to set the table for dinner, to be mad at my parents because they wouldn't let me go out. And this inadvertently leads you to miss everything from your childhood: my mom telling us bed time stories, waking my mom up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty and wanted water, letting my mom take care of me when I was sick, and everything else that you could think of. And at that moment, it really, really hurts to grow up and that nostalgia that you have of being a kid? You just want to grab that feeling and those emotions that you once experienced so long ago and make them real. You want to be able to turn back time and put everything from your memories into real life. Wouldn't that be wonderful? To make your memories and just, for lack of a better way of putting it, pour them out of you so that you could experience everything all over again.
I guess that's just a part of growing up.
So, I'm listening to Taylor Swift's new album "Speak Now." COMPLETELY LOVING IT!!!
I love that the songs actually tell a story, it's not just a couple of rhyming words strung together like so many other songs. So, I think my favorite so far was "Never Grow Up." I don't know why but hearing it made me want to cry.
Anyways, here are a couple of my favorite parts of the song. I added commentary and I was debating whether or not I actually want to post this because it was really an emotional entry. But I tried to not make it too depressing.
Never Grow Up
You're little hands wrapped around my finger
And, it's so quiet in the world tonight
You're little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So, I took you in
Turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I had, honey
If you could stay like that
Can't you just remember doing that as a little kid? Just holding onto your parents' hand and letting them take you wherever and you never having to worry about anything? Sometimes you just want your parents' hand there now to take care of everything, so you can be that little kid again and you don't have to worry about what's going to happen in the future, you can focus on the now. The first thing I instantly thought of when I listened to this song was walking with my mom as a little kid - walking around the streets holding her hand, just taking in all the wonderful things without being focused on anything really. You know that feeling as a kid? You're just absorbing everything around you without looking at anything in particular? There's no worry about anything because you're holding onto your mom's hand and the world doesn't even matter to you; someone is there to deal with the world for you.
You're in the car on the way to the movies
And, you're mortified
You're mom's dropping you off
At, fourteen there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But, don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJ's getting ready for school
I was actually thinking about this a while back and it was really depressing. I mean, the "Remember that she's getting older too" line just makes me want to go hug my mom. I never thought about my parents aging when I was younger, but now, it's constantly on my mind. You start to regret so many things that you thought and did as a kid because you realize that your parents are not going to be there forever and then you're going to wish that you had just one more time where your parents could be there and do whatever it was that made you mad, and you wouldn't be mad anymore. (BTW, long sentence = stream of consciousness).
Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad get's home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all you're little brothers favorite songs
I just realized everything I had is someday gonna be gone
So, here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
So depressing. I don't think I have ever experienced the feeling of loneliness from growing up as much as I did when I moved into college for the first time and my parents went home without me. I wanted to be little again just so that they wouldn't leave me by myself. And then when I was alone, I started thinking about being with my family and it was really emotional because that's gone forever. I wasn't going to be home anymore to listen to my little sister, to talk to my dad after he got home from work, to set the table for dinner, to be mad at my parents because they wouldn't let me go out. And this inadvertently leads you to miss everything from your childhood: my mom telling us bed time stories, waking my mom up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty and wanted water, letting my mom take care of me when I was sick, and everything else that you could think of. And at that moment, it really, really hurts to grow up and that nostalgia that you have of being a kid? You just want to grab that feeling and those emotions that you once experienced so long ago and make them real. You want to be able to turn back time and put everything from your memories into real life. Wouldn't that be wonderful? To make your memories and just, for lack of a better way of putting it, pour them out of you so that you could experience everything all over again.
I guess that's just a part of growing up.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Just Around the Riverbend - A Remake
You can't have a day off
The subject's always changing, always multiplying
But people, I guess, like that
We all must pay a price
To be rich, we lose our chance of ever knowing
What's around the phar-ma-cy dooooor
Waiting just around the phar-ma-cy dooor
I look once more
Just around the phar-ma-cy dooor
Beyond the drug store
Where the students fly free
Don't know what for
What I dream the day might send
Jut around the phar-ma-cy dooor
For me
Coming for me
I feel it there beyond those boundaries
Or right behind these shortfalls
Can I ignore that sound of distant savings
For a handsome sturdy pension
That builds handsome sturdy walls
And never dream that something might be coming?
Just around the phar-ma-cy dooor
Just around the phar-ma-cy dooor
I look once more
Just around the phar-ma-cy dooor
Beyond the drug store
Somewhere past the dreary
Don't know what for ...
Why do all my dreams extend
Just around the phar-ma-cy dooor?
Just around the phar-ma-cy dooor ...
Should I choose the smoothest curve
Steady as the reigning stratum?
Should I choose a carefree life?
Is all my dreaming at an end?
Or do you still wait for me, Career Giver
Just around the phar-ma-cy dooor?
Also, FYI, I realized I'm not in pharmacy school for the money. I really do love talking to people and helping people feel better! It's amazing how 3 months of school can change your mentality so much!
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